Love is not enough in a relationship

Love is not enough to keep a relationship/marriage going. Love is a strong affection that attracts two people, but love is not all that is needed to make a relationship/ marriage work.  I will explain why love is not enough, using the illustration of magnet and steel. I believe this is a more simplified method, easy for everyone to understand. Love is like a ‘magnet’ while the two people in love are like ‘steels’. The magnet attracts the steels and keeps it together, but as soon as the steels start to ‘rust’, the force of attraction (power of the magnet), begins to lose its effect. It will get to a point when the steels will no longer adhere to the magnet because of the high level of rust.

Using the illustration of magnet and steel, it is easy to understand.

When the rust becomes extreme, that is when the steels will fall off the magnet, in this case, the marriage or relationship will break. Do you know that more than 70% divorced couples still claim to love their partner? So, lack of love is not the reason for their divorce. They are divorced because the love between them was unable to bind them together as a result of their differences in character, believe, motive, want, needs, attitude, etc. Though the love (magnet) is still there, but cannot bind the couples (steels) together due to unwanted attitude/ character (rust). If two steels (lovers) are kept together by a magnet (love) and either one or both steels start to rust (unacceptable characters), it will get to a point that the steel (s) will fall off the magnet.

Do you know that more than 70% divorced couples still claim to love their partner?

If a steel attracted to a magnet gets detached from it, are we going to say the magnet is missing (Love is missing)? Or are we going to say the magnet has lost its value? Hell no! It simply means the steel is rusted because the magnet is still there. As we know, rusted steels defile the rule/principle of a magnet. The principle of a magnet is to attract pure metals and not rusted ones, in likewise manner love also has its laid down principle/ rule, similar to the magnetic principle. We know in science that rust does not happen suddenly, it is a gradual process. Rust and corrosion strongly affect the magnetic properties of metals. Rusting and corrosion introduce atoms of other elements (typically oxygen), making new chemical forms with different interactions between neighbouring atoms’ electrons. Usually, these end up either non-ferromagnetic or less ferromagnetic than the pure magnetic metal.

The most common form of corrosion is rusting, which occurs when iron combines with oxygen and water. Rust (a collection of some iron oxides: ) is virtually non-magnetic, unlike plain iron or most types of steel. (let’s not go into chemistry- #smiles). The main point is that rust doesn’t just occur; there are factors that cause rust in steels/ metals.

Rust in a relationship is caused by unacceptable characters, motives, beliefs, or wants

In the same manner in a relationship/marriage, rust is caused by unacceptable characters, motives, beliefs, want/ need e.g. infidelity, malice, selfishness, greediness, abuse of power, lies, insecurity, inferior complex, extreme jealousy, third party interference, lack of conscience, etc. This unacceptable character by a partner or both partners is capable of destroying the relationship/ marriage. When these bad characters /habits start to dominate a marriage, it is at this point that a partner will file for a divorce and be like “I have had enough”. S/he seeks to divorce even though they still love each other, just like a heavily rusted metal/steel will fall off the magnet and won’t stick any longer even in the presence of the magnet.

Don’t be fooled! Never believe that your love for each other will take care of everything.

Just as metal rust is a gradual process, these bad characters are introduced gradually into a relationship/marriage. That is why it is advisable to watch out for these characters in your partner before you get married. Don’t be fooled! Never believe that your love for each other will take care of everything and your marriage will work out fine. Love is not enough in a relationship/ marriage.

Love is the foundation upon which every other thing needed in a relationship is built upon.

Love is dependent on many other factors; trust, communication, money, character, commitment, responsibility, reliability, faithfulness, etc.… without these factors in a relationship/ marriage, it will collapse. Love does not come with these factors, you have to acquire these other factors, alongside with Love. Love is not enough! Though love is the foundation upon which every other thing needed in a relationship is built upon.

Success accumulate enemies

Alert! Success may not increase your friend circle, but accumulate your enemies.

When I was an undergraduate on campus (OAU), my department was on the fifth floor of the faculty building. Anytime we were told that our lecture will take place in one of our lecture rooms in the department, all departmental students countenances will fall. At times, we try to convince our lecturer to change the lecture room. Do you know why? It was because of the stairs.

Faculty of Agriculture, OAU

Imagine climbing 4 flights of stairs containing 20 block steps like 7 times daily. Hmm… You can imagine, right? Ideally, a student will not give his classmate his matric number to check his result on his behalf except if they were close friends. Exam result is believed to be extremely personal by students, so they prefer to check it personally, sometimes wish it wasn’t posted publicly so that fellow students won’t even know their grades.

The thought of going to the department alone is enough to dis-stabilize us

In my department, because of the stress involved in climbing the staircase, anytime we hear that our results are out, we will write down our matric numbers to a classmate that is willing to go to the department. The thought of going to the department alone is enough to dis-stabilize us, not to talk about the anxiety and fear of the result. (The anxiety you feel thinking of what your grade will be).

Why am I talking about my campus days? Campus life came to my mind when writing the above quote. Why do you feel relieved when coming down from the stairs (descending) but feel reluctant to climb up the stairs (ascend)? When you descend the stairs, little energy is required, but when you ascend the stairs, you feel exhausted (depending on the altitude) and it’s always like all you ate that day has disappeared as a result of burning more calories. The scenario of the staircase applies to life. In life, it is so hard and difficult to get to the top of your career while it is so easy to fall from the top (height) of your career. This is because more calories are burnt on getting to the top.

 

Walking up the stairs of greatness is a calorie-blasting activity

As you walk up the stairs of greatness, you will burn more calories because stair climbing is a calorie-blasting activity. The calories burnt when climbing the stairs of greatness includes sleepless night, dedication, patience, self-discipline, determination, focus, positive thinking, hard work, smart work, innovative ideas, strong will… and enemies. Yes, enemies! If you don’t burn your enemies, they will burn you away from the stairs of greatness.

The enemies are the highest calories you must burn on your way to greatness.

The enemies you know, the ones you are not aware of, and the ones that seem to be your friend will burn you away from your achievement.

Enemies are determined to frustrate all your effort.

It is wise that you become aware of your enemies and decide to burn them as calories to get to the height of your career. Enemies are determined to frustrate all your effort to reach the top by placing obstacles in your way, criticizing you, envying you, device/ plan evil for you, etc. Your enemies, both the inside enemies (enemies within) and the outside enemies (enemies without) do the work of burning you away from your career height, just as your blood (within) and limb (without) are involved in the climbing of the staircase (inside-out).

One of the greatest mistakes a man can commit in life that will cause a lasting regret is to be ignorant of the fact that he’s surrounded by enemies and they increase as he keeps pressing on to the top. You can only solve a problem when you understand the problem. Always be on alert for enemies as you climb the ladder of success.

Don’t be easily carried away by men and friends that sing your praise. Trust me, some people you even consider as your friend is your enemy at heart due to envy/ jealousy. 

Don’t be easily carried away in the praise of men.

The earlier you are aware that success will accumulate your enemies, the better you get equipped to handle it and sustain your career height without falling.

Guide yourself from enemies and maintain your career height.

Let me quickly give you 5 steps required to guide yourself from enemies and maintain your career height:

1. Be vigilant
2. Always listen to your instinct
3. Confirm your instinct carefully
4. Keep your tongue (don’t say everything about your life or your plans to people   including your friends)
5. Be prayerful (let God destroy the stronghold of enemies over your life)

Be on alert! Success may not increase your friend circle but it will surely accumulate your enemies as you climb up the ladder of success. For those that don’t want to climb up (be successful), their life’s result will be determined by those that took the decision, endured the pain and burn their calories to climb up.

Enough of living your life at the mercy of others. Climb Success Stairs!

Back to my campus life story, as soon as the person that went to our department (climb up) to check the results comes back, we will inquire our grades from him. You know what? There is no way for us to confirm the accuracy of the results he checked. He could probably have made a mistake of mixing up the grades, but there is no way to confirm unless we also decide to go to our department (climb up). We definitely become what he says we are because we refused to climb up (go to the department). Thank God for technology. When I got to part 3, Our faculty started posting our results online on the campus e-portal, so we don’t have to worry about the stairs. We will just log in to the portal and check our result, this development made every student happy as it also promotes result privacy.

Decide to burn the calories, so that you can truly be in charge of your life.

I remember an incident that happened back then in school. A lady was told she had an F in a core course (3 units) by someone who went to the department to check. She cried and said she feels like dying. She did not wait for the next lecture; instead, she went to her hostel (I guess to cry more). That day, the lecturer gave us an impromptu test of 20 marks. Of course, she missed the test, therefore missing 20 marks already in a core course (5 units) in the Harmattan semester (new semester). After the lecture, her best friend decided to go to the department to confirm this lady’s result, only for her to come back and said the lady did not have an F, she had a C. The first person that went to check the results made a mistake in her matric number. We were happy to hear the news that it was a C. We blamed the first person that checked, but to be candid, he has no fault. The question is: Why didn’t she decide to check her result herself (climb up), but decided to rely on someone’s else effort?

If you are not determined to climb success stairs, you will be a slave to those that climbed.

If you don’t decide to climb up the success ladder, you will be a slave to the one that climbed the success ladder; and your life will be a product of his action, whatever he gives to you is what you will take. I challenge you to get up and burn the calories! Enough of living your life at the mercy of others. Decide to burn the calories, so that you can truly be in charge of your life and make an impact in this world. Life is not about jut breathing, it is about making an impact. Success is beautiful and it is readily available to those that stretch forth to receive it; it is never partial.

Don’t trust anybody completely; always give room for disappointment

Play smart! As you rise in life, don’t trust anybody completely (100%). Always give room for disappointment from people so that perhaps if they disappoint you, it won’t negatively change the course of your life, you will be able to move on with life. If you are highly placed in your career, be careful, less you fall from grace to grass. Remember to fall is easy, just decide to become irresponsible, lazy and carefree, and you will fall; great will be your fall. Falling does not require any other energy than the gravitational force.

If you are highly placed in your career, be careful! Remember to fall is easy.

Success is beautiful to behold and expensive to keep it up. Success comes with a caution. If you ignore the warning signs of success, you will lose it, but if you adhere strictly to its signs, you will gain it.

Be vigilant! Don’t be ignorant, enemies exist.

Success may not guarantee that your true friends will increase, but it will always guarantee that your enemies will accumulate. Wake up! Stop wishing you have no enemies. As a matter of fact, if you don’t have enemies, then you are not progressing in life. Your life is as good as dead. Accept the fact that there will always be enemies on your way to success and then play smart.

“Alert! Success may not increase your friend circle, but accumulate your enemies”

Don’t fade away from your career height. Never be an Ex-champion

The worst feeling ever is to be an ‘Ex-champion’ -Refuse to be regarded as someone that was formally successful,  wealthy, great, influential, etc. When you get to the peak of your career, do whatever (morally acceptable) it will take to keep/maintain your position. Be vigilant! Remember, it is easy to fall. Never fall a free fall in the gravitational field of your career.