Attraction: The question "why?"

It is often said and proven that good ladies are attracted to and end up with bad guys, and good guys also get attracted to and end up with bad girls. This has raised the question of ‘why’ in the mind of many.

This has raised the question of ‘why’ in the mind of many.

Some said it is because the bad ones are always spontaneous and lively to be with, while some said it has to do with the law of attraction (opposite attracts). I believe that there are also good ones that are very spontaneous, jovial and lively. Well, for some, you might not know unless you engage them. Also, the law of attraction does not operate in a relationship. If you are good, you will definitely dislike a bad person; if you are wise, you will dislike a foolish person… that is why it is said, “show me your friend and I will tell you who you are”. This is because when it comes to a relationship, you get attracted to people of your own kind or similar to your own kind; your friend/spouse/partner is an extension of YOU.

You get attracted to people of your own kind or similar to your own kind.

I think the major issue here is that people always think that a good person is also intelligent; people expect that the good ladies/ guys ought to pick the right choice, so they get shocked when the opposite is seen. The truth is that there is no correlation between ‘good’ and ‘intelligent’. You could be good and lack intelligence. It takes intelligence to define what you really want, go for what you want, know what you got, and process what you got to confirm if it tallies with what you really want. The fact that you are good does not mean you are intelligent.

The fact that you are good does not mean you are intelligent.

Being good is not enough! Lack of intelligence is the major reason why these good ladies/ guys are attracted to bad ones and always suffer at the hands of the bad ones. In terms of attraction, the truth is that the good ones who are attracted to bad ones, have a craving for bad things, but tends to suppress it, and restrict themselves from carrying out the bad actions because of what people will say about them, as people already have taken them to be good. So in the real sense, they are not really good as they present themselves to be good.

Being Good is not Enough! Be intelligent.

No good and intelligent lady or guy will ever date a bad person except in the case where the bad ones disguised to be a good one and they also failed to thoroughly evaluate the person’s character and their relationship as well. A good and intelligent guy or lady will always get attracted to someone of his/her own kind or similar to his/her Kind but never the opposite.

Love is not enough in a relationship

Love is not enough to keep a relationship/marriage going. Love is a strong affection that attracts two people, but love is not all that is needed to make a relationship/ marriage work.  I will explain why love is not enough, using the illustration of magnet and steel. I believe this is a more simplified method, easy for everyone to understand. Love is like a ‘magnet’ while the two people in love are like ‘steels’. The magnet attracts the steels and keeps it together, but as soon as the steels start to ‘rust’, the force of attraction (power of the magnet), begins to lose its effect. It will get to a point when the steels will no longer adhere to the magnet because of the high level of rust.

Using the illustration of magnet and steel, it is easy to understand.

When the rust becomes extreme, that is when the steels will fall off the magnet, in this case, the marriage or relationship will break. Do you know that more than 70% divorced couples still claim to love their partner? So, lack of love is not the reason for their divorce. They are divorced because the love between them was unable to bind them together as a result of their differences in character, believe, motive, want, needs, attitude, etc. Though the love (magnet) is still there, but cannot bind the couples (steels) together due to unwanted attitude/ character (rust). If two steels (lovers) are kept together by a magnet (love) and either one or both steels start to rust (unacceptable characters), it will get to a point that the steel (s) will fall off the magnet.

Do you know that more than 70% divorced couples still claim to love their partner?

If a steel attracted to a magnet gets detached from it, are we going to say the magnet is missing (Love is missing)? Or are we going to say the magnet has lost its value? Hell no! It simply means the steel is rusted because the magnet is still there. As we know, rusted steels defile the rule/principle of a magnet. The principle of a magnet is to attract pure metals and not rusted ones, in likewise manner love also has its laid down principle/ rule, similar to the magnetic principle. We know in science that rust does not happen suddenly, it is a gradual process. Rust and corrosion strongly affect the magnetic properties of metals. Rusting and corrosion introduce atoms of other elements (typically oxygen), making new chemical forms with different interactions between neighbouring atoms’ electrons. Usually, these end up either non-ferromagnetic or less ferromagnetic than the pure magnetic metal.

The most common form of corrosion is rusting, which occurs when iron combines with oxygen and water. Rust (a collection of some iron oxides: ) is virtually non-magnetic, unlike plain iron or most types of steel. (let’s not go into chemistry- #smiles). The main point is that rust doesn’t just occur; there are factors that cause rust in steels/ metals.

Rust in a relationship is caused by unacceptable characters, motives, beliefs, or wants

In the same manner in a relationship/marriage, rust is caused by unacceptable characters, motives, beliefs, want/ need e.g. infidelity, malice, selfishness, greediness, abuse of power, lies, insecurity, inferior complex, extreme jealousy, third party interference, lack of conscience, etc. This unacceptable character by a partner or both partners is capable of destroying the relationship/ marriage. When these bad characters /habits start to dominate a marriage, it is at this point that a partner will file for a divorce and be like “I have had enough”. S/he seeks to divorce even though they still love each other, just like a heavily rusted metal/steel will fall off the magnet and won’t stick any longer even in the presence of the magnet.

Don’t be fooled! Never believe that your love for each other will take care of everything.

Just as metal rust is a gradual process, these bad characters are introduced gradually into a relationship/marriage. That is why it is advisable to watch out for these characters in your partner before you get married. Don’t be fooled! Never believe that your love for each other will take care of everything and your marriage will work out fine. Love is not enough in a relationship/ marriage.

Love is the foundation upon which every other thing needed in a relationship is built upon.

Love is dependent on many other factors; trust, communication, money, character, commitment, responsibility, reliability, faithfulness, etc.… without these factors in a relationship/ marriage, it will collapse. Love does not come with these factors, you have to acquire these other factors, alongside with Love. Love is not enough! Though love is the foundation upon which every other thing needed in a relationship is built upon.